It is a champagne braised evening. Roads, buildings glisten in the soft golden hues just as the sun is about to set. I am at the airport of my favourite city. My eyelids are heavy from medication induced sleep – and the need to stay awake, for the plane will whisk me away on another long haul flight in another couple of hours.
A month from now, it will be over. So in essence, this is the start to the finish of another chapter. I wonder how writers must feel when they are drafting out the last chapter of a book – knowing very well that the end is around the corner. Irksome? Fatigue? Excitement? Tying in all lose ends? The fight till the bitter end? Indeed I feel all of that. So this is a start to the closing. Where every single item of the list gets clinically evaluated and ticked off on completion. All lose ends that need to be tied in together.
RT: But why are you prolonging the period? Why not now?
Me: Because there is so much left to be done! I mean… I don’t want them to say D___ left all this incomplete
RT: They will say that anyway!
Me: Well it gives me the inner satisfaction atleast – my slate remains clean, I don’t want to carry any baggage
RT: You really don’t need to do that you know
I guess I do. I have been feeling pangs of separation already. Leaving behind what was an entire world to me – for long days and longer nights.
So why do it in the first place? Because it must be done! It has been long overdue. I don’t know what lies ahead and at times just thinking about the blankness ahead gives me a sense of cool, milky comfort and at the same time, jitters down my spine.
However, when one looks back, one understands how it has been. There is indeed a formula on which we all operate – all calculated, set in place. What you thought was an accidental turn of fate was all a part of the scheme. And you realise how while you thought your entire life was a directionless mess, has actually been folded and packed away in nice little boxes and each box fits in with each of the other boxes too. They are all colour coordinated, shape coordinated and everything makes sense.
With that optimism, I decide to throw away the comfort of what was viewed as a good life and good career. I know that even if it does not make sense now, some time at the end of it, it will all add up.
I am a grown up girl now. I am not scared anymore.
What a better way to do a new post than while sitting in the airport lounge of my favourite city, waiting for the next flight.